Divorce and Generation X Writers

Divorce, once a taboo subject in American society, now affects people across all social and economic lines. Parents increasingly raise children in single-parent homes, often without any support from their former spouse. Two best-selling Generation X writers describe their childhood in single-parent homes. Sister Souljah and Elizabeth Wurtzel both handle the issue honestly and openly, although both propose different ways in which to deal with such a trauma.

First of all, how wide-spread is the situation of divorce and single parenthood among Generation X? According to Nicholas Zill and John Robinson of American Demographics, "more than 40 percent of today's young adults spend at least some time in a single-parent family by age 16" (28-29). Among my friends growing up in divorce fit the standard statistic: about fifty percent of my friends' parents were divorced. IN the back of my mind I always wondered if my parents might be next, and I would always try to tell how they were feeling about each other. Growing up in an environment of broken relationships causes members of Generation X to be more cautious about their relationships and careful about decisions of marriage. Karen Rithcie, also of American Demographics states that, "Today's young adults will eventually get married. But they will do so later in life than boomers did, and their marriages may represent a return to a more stable lifestyle than we have seen in recent decades" (37). Members of this "New Generation" certainly do not want to repeat what they see as their parents' mistakes, and they want badly to raise their own children in a stable, loving, two-parent environment.

Sister Souljah, in her book, No Disrespect, describes her experiences growing up in a single parent home in the projects. She describes her parents as happy at first, but then it began to fall apart. She says, "My father drew his understanding of what it was meant to have a family from television. . .He believed that it was solely the man's responsibility to bring home the bacon and rule the household" (5). Souljah then discusses how her parents' relationship fell apart and her mom, "fled to the projects with her three children" (7). From that point on, her father became more distant from Souljah and her siblings. "My father's visits became irregular. He went from representing one we loved who disciplined and instructed us to being something of a loved and favorite clown arriving on intermittent weekends with guilt-filled eyes and broken dreams, filling us up with endless chocolate bars, Superfly movies, hot dogs, and toys" (8). This broken parental relationship leads Sister Souljah to swear off romantic relationships at a young age. She says, ". . .I would always love my mother and my family but no man-woman love. It was all too painful and I don't like no pain." (24).

In the projects, Souljah explains the commonality of divorce among the family units in her neighborhood. "There were hundreds of mothers and thousands of children. There was rarely any conversation about fathers because between the two buildings in the immediate area where we lived, there were only five families that had a father living in the house" (9). The children in these homes often saw their mothers with a parade of different men and bad situations. This poor example greatly affected Souljah and her writing. Her experiences forced her to grow up at a young age and college turned out to be her escape. Upon her arrival she states, "I had felt like an adult since I was a little girl. And while some people cherished their youth, I loved the idea of being able to think and decide for myself" (51). Her entrance into the world of college allowed her to begin thinking and exploring on her own, and she began to develop her ideas and theories detailed in her memoir.

As Sister Souljah moved through college her relationship with men were no better than her mother's. She was "burned" several times by men she trusted, and then she begins to blame society for not teaching these men to be what they are supposed to be. In addition to society, she places blame on the women for not respecting themselves and giving the men expectations about the sexual experiences they could expect. Her search for a man who will treat her right leads her in all the wrong directions. She became very serious about Nathan, and once she finds out he is gay, she begins looking again. This leads to her adventures with Nikki and then through several other men. Chance takes complete advantage of her and she doesn't ever see it coming. With Derek, Souljah invents the idea of sharing a man, something that women did behind each other's backs any way. She decides, ". . .that if a brother can be honest with me, I can share him with another woman. At least that way, I know what I'm getting. I know where he is and how to find him. I'll know her and nobody ends up crying." (323) This does not work out for Souljah in practice, she ends up getting to jealous, and the logistics get too complicated. One can only image that the poor example set by her mother can be held responsible for at least part of Souljah's struggles with men.

In the last chapter of No Disrespect, Souljah gives a list of rules for African-American men and women to follow to help solve the problems in the black communities. One of those rules can be seen as having come directly from the situation with her parents. "It is important for all children to have two parents, a mother and a father. The absence of either will affect the child. The consequences may not be apparent for many years. Perhaps not until that child attempts to have a relationship of her or his own. But if she had no experiences of a father, then she will have had no sound criteria by which to judge a man she might choose to marry" (351). Sister Souljah is clearly one member of Generation X scarred by the experience of being raised in a single-parent home without a father figure. If parents are not the solution, then Souljah gives black adults a way to love themselves. She tells them to take pride in their bodies, don't make excuses for men (and men should learn to be careful about sex and the situations they get into), don't play relationship games, don't become homosexual, and believe in God. But most of all, Souljah makes a powerful statement that applies to all people, ". . .first we must learn to respect ourselves. That is the test we must pass, the promise we make to each other, the challenge of our lives." (360)

Elizabeth Wurtzel, author of Prozac Nation, is another example of a New Generation member deeply affected by divorce and single-parenthood. Her parents also split up when she was very young, and the arguments between her parents and her mother's struggle to make a happy home affected Wurtzel for the rest of her life. Her parents had to share her, and eventually her dad dropped out of the picture because of his own emotional problems. She describes the situation, "Sharing kids with a person you have come to despise must be a bit like getting caught in a messy car wreck and then being forced to spend the rest of your life paying visits to the paraplegic in the other vehicle: You are never allowed to forget your mistake" (25). She further describes her self as, "the battlefield on which all their ideological differences were fought" (27). Wurtzel understands the importance of good parenthood, and recognizes that it doesn't matter how many parents you have, as long as they are a positive presence, but in her situation, "I got two parents who were constantly at odds with each other, and all they gave me was an empty foundation that split down the middle of my empty, anguished self" (29). Wurtzel's mother was her best friend for many years, but when Elizabeth began to sink in to the depression that would define her in the rest of the book, even she and her mother grew apart. The importance of her mother is evident, however, when her mother finally recognizes Wurtzel's disease as depression, something out of their control. Afterwards Wurtzel describes the scene, "I got up and sat next to her and hugged her, and thought to myself, She understands. She understands and it will be alright." (312).

Wurtzel experienced severe clinical depression, a topic the rest of the book explores. Although she never particularly blames her parents' divorce for her problems, she is obviously affected by the situation. And she is not alone: "26 percent of people born in the late 1960's had received psychological treatment for emotional, learning, or behavior problems by the time they reached adulthood" (Robinson and Zill, 29). To deal with her depression she seeks out therapist after therapist until she finds Dr. Sterling. She spends quite a lot of time with the doctor, but for a while, is never sure if therapy is going to heal her: Yes, I think, any minute now, . . . the insight will come. Clarity. The truth will set me free, and all that. Of course it never happens. Years of therapy and it never happens. Psychotropic drugs and it never happens. . .That's the problem with reality, that's the fallacy of therapy: It assumes that you will have a series of relations, or even just one little one and that these various truths will come to you and will change your life completely. . .But the truth is it doesn't work that way. (313-314)

What Wurtzel does not see at this point is that therapy is helping her. When she attempts suicide she finally hits rock bottom and realizes that she does not want to die, in fact she finds reason to live. In the end her therapy helps her heal the wounds of her childhood and the battle-marks of depression. She states her healing quite eloquently, "I will never not be on guard for depression, but the constancy, the obsessive and totalizing effect of that disease, the sense that life is something happening to other people I am watching through an opaque cloud is gone" (331)

Although Souljah never mentions psychological treatment, maybe she could have used some professional help. Souljah tends to focus on the family and community as solutions, and in fact I'm not sure if she ever admits that she has problems. She focuses on the fact that society is sick and needs help. Wurtzel's depression on the other hand causes her to be selfish in her problems, therefore she needs an individual method of healing, such as therapy. These two women were deeply affected by the events in their childhood. The major difference between the two, however, is the way that they handled it. Both were close in one way or another to their mothers, but Wurtzel eventually forgave hers, and Souljah still harbors much anger towards her family life and upbringing. Souljah approaches the topic with an all-knowing, "this is the way it should be" attitude, while Wurtzel admits her confusion and frustration with her parents and tries to understand it from their point of view.

Both of these approaches match with my limited experience with divorce. Although my parents are still married, I have seen the full range of emotions expressed by Souljah and Wurtzel in my friends whose parents were divorced. Divorce and single-parent hood have left a scar across my generation, but hopefully we will be able to heal our wounds and forge stable relationships with both our spouses and our children.

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